


No Distraction To Mask What Is Real

by DefaltManifesto



Series: Dominance |-/ Submission [3]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Aftercare, Cock & Ball Torture, Dom!Josh, Internalized Kink Shaming, Kink Negotiation, Masturbation, Multi, Platonic Dom/sub, Platonic Romance, Sub!Tyler, healthy BDSM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 11:38:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4785968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Tyler wonders if pain is the only way he can figure out how he really feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Distraction To Mask What Is Real

**Author's Note:**

> Tyler is SUPER nervous throughout this fic but Josh does lots of checking in, so don't worry. This is also still platonic, even though it explicitly deals with genitals. Also this is my first time writing C&BT, so let me know if anything stands out as incorrect or wrong. I did a good amount of research, but feedback is always welcome. 
> 
> Title taken from Car Radio by twenty one pilots. Comments are loved.

[The tumblr](http://schizzar.tumblr.com)

 

Tyler does some research of his own once the choking thing they do starts to become a regular thing, though he's pretty sure it isn't nearly as wholesome as whatever Josh was looking into when he was figuring out how to dom Tyler properly. Instead, he's looking at porn trying to figure out what he's into. It seems a little weird at first because he isn't looking into what gets him off necessarily. He just wants to know what type of pain could get him feeling spaced out.

Whips make him cringe. So do crops. But there's a lot of other stuff, stuff he genuinely doesn't expect, that turns him on, like lines of clothespins all attached with string and then yanked off all at once, leaving a spectacular line of red and bruising marks. Paddling gets him off too he learns but then he stumbles on some guy who's dom has his balls harnessed by a silver ring until they're an angry red, lightly tapping and squeezing them until the sub is sobbing from it. It gets Tyler off faster than any other porn he's watched ever.

He spends a lot of time thinking about it.

He doesn't quite know how to bring it up with Josh though. The kneeling and choking had been hard enough to bring up but this is like a whole other set of rules. Tyler's not sure how to keep it non-sexual when Josh will literally be touching his most likely hard dick. Part of him wonders if Josh thinks he's in denial or something about his sexuality.

The thing is, he worries that maybe he _is_ in denial. It doesn't seem possible to love Josh as intensely as he does while also wanting Josh to touch his dick without that making him a little bisexual at least. If it is possible though, that's definitely what he's doing. The thought of Josh actually getting him off instead of just administering as much pain as Tyler can take doesn't seem in the least bit appealing. But that could just be the denial he's not sure if he's feeling or not.

He spends a lot of time debating whether or not to bring it up. On the one hand, he doesn't want to finally, truly make things weird between them, but on the other...just imagining the endorphin rush has him ready to just flat out beg Josh to do it. The thought of doing that and having Josh subsequently deny him makes his heart race in a bad way though, so he keeps his mouth shut.

Or at least, he tries. In the end, Josh is the one who calls him out on it.

"Am I not doing something right?" Josh asks. "You keep sighing like you're unhappy or something."

They're backstage still, off in the dressing room as the crew rounds up the last few things. Tyler stares down at his lap, words trapped in his throat, but he knows he has to get them out before he suffocates from it.

"I want you to like, hurt my dick," Tyler says.

"Oh."

Tyler wishes Josh wasn't so damn good at hiding his reactions to things. He could really use some sort of feedback so he knows if he should start running, not like there's anywhere to really run because he loves their two-person band from the bottom of his heart and he can't imagine stopping no matter how awkward it got.

"Could you send me an example?" Josh asks.

"All I've got is like, porn of it," Tyler admits. "But I don't want it in a sexual way like that."

"You sure?" Josh asks, sliding his hand into Tyler's short hair before gripping it hard enough to turn Tyler's face towards him. "It could be that way. I've told you I don't mind."

"That's not what I want. All I really want is the pain, honest," Tyler says, forcing himself to meet Josh's eyes so he knows how serious Tyler is.

"I trust you. Send me one video you like and I'll do some proper research on it and get back to you. Now do you want to kneel a little longer or do you want me to start cleaning up the make up?"

Tyler legitimately doesn't understand how he got such a good friend. It boggles his mind. "Little longer here. I got myself all psyched out."

Josh smiles and let's go of his hair, instead just petting through it as Tyler turns his head back away again. "It's okay. I've got you."

Tyler knows he does. He just can't help but wonder if one day he'll ever ask for too much.

 

-.-

 

Josh doesn't bring it up outside telling him they'll talk about it for real once they have a week or longer break in their tour. It's sort of nice, because performing gets easier now that his worry about what he wants isn't constantly lurking at the back of his mind. It's how things are with them. He gets out all of his worries and fears into Josh and Josh just takes it all in like it isn't some giant secret that's been weighing on Tyler's mind.

Of course, it's not one-sided. Outside the moments where Tyler submits to him, their friendship is as normal as it's always been. They rely on each other just the way they always have and the normalcy helps ground Tyler in a different way than their power plays ever do. Everything else in his life has been so difficult that it comes as a surprise that this is working out so well. He feels desperately that something needs to go wrong. After all, his life isn't allowed to be easy.

But it is. Josh makes it that way, and he knows he does the same for Josh.

He still expects the whole torturing his dick thing to fuck everything up, so he has to stop himself from making his schedule busy the whole week they're home to avoid Josh. It'd be pretty stupid to even try given that they live together.

"I was thinking we could give it a try tonight," Josh says over dinner their second day back. "Nothing big yet. We'll work up to it."

"Okay," Tyler says, trying to ignore the way his stomach starts doing flips, partially from nerves and partially from arousal. One day he'll know what exactly he wants from Josh. He figures this is probably the most sexual thing they've ever done, because there's no way to really touch another person's dick without it being a little sexual.

"So we should probably set some ground rules," Josh says as he leads the way to Tyler's room.

There's a chair from the kitchen in the middle of his room that Tyler hadn't even noticed go missing. He's really been out of it he supposes.

"Don't sit yet," Josh says. "Talking first. Obviously I'll be touching your dick, I want to try a few different things and I'm going to want your feedback after every one. If you say stop, we stop. Does that all sound good?"

Tyler rubs at the back of his neck and glances between the chair and Josh. "Sounds good. Could you uh...tie me up when you do it?"

"Sure," Josh says. "One more question though. Do you want to come?"

"Uh..." Tyler can't look Josh in the eye, but that's not exactly new when it comes to this sort of thing. "Yeah, but I don't want you to make me do it. Just maybe hold me?"

Josh nudges his chin to make him look up and then smiles at him. "I can do that. Now get naked. I'll be right back."

Tyler feels like he's getting ready for his own crucifixion as he strips his clothes off. He _wants_ to do this but he's never felt so nervous before. When he sits down on the chair, he has to resist the urge to curl up into a ball and make himself as small as possible. He must look pretty uncomfortable because when Josh walks in, he sets aside whatever he'd left to grab and heads straight for Tyler.

"Hey, dude, talk to me," Josh says. "You look _really_ not okay."

"Sorry I just...touch me maybe?" Tyler hates how needy he sounds.

"Of course," Josh says.

It should be uncomfortable having Josh straddle his naked lap in his rough jeans, but then Josh wraps him in a tight hug, fingers pushing into Tyler's hair. Tyler brings his own arms up, clutching tighter at Josh's shoulders than he really needs to. He matches his breathing with Josh's and after a while, he's relaxed into Josh's weight. The tension is still there, but it's more of an undercurrent instead of an overwhelming panic.

"Still wants to be tied up?" Josh asks as he pulls back.

"Yeah, I think I need it to stay calm," Tyler admits.

Josh squeezes his shoulders. "We can wait you know. If it's got you this worked up..."

"You'll stop when I say?" Tyler asks even though he knows the answer.

"Always."

"Then I'm good."

Josh gets off of him and heads to the dresser to grab one of his old, soft dress ties. He grabs Tyler's arms and guides them behind the chair before looping them together with a simple knot that still leaves Tyler with a lot of give. Tyler relaxes back against the chair, eyes sliding shut as Josh heads to the dresser. He taps Tyler's legs apart with his hand when he gets back and Tyler keeps his eyes closed even with the spreading of his legs.

"Lubed up an old tympani mallet handle," Josh says. "Let me know if it's too rough."

Tyler lets out a heavy breath and nods. It's easier with his eyes closed. If he knows what's coming, he'll panic again, and even the cool touch of the slick handle sliding over the length of his dick root to tip doesn't shock him too bad if he's got his eyes closed. All he has to do is trust Josh. He shudders when Josh circles the tip of his dick with it. It doesn't hurt, the lube making it too slick for that. It does feel harsh though, uncaring and unfeeling as it pokes and prods. He wants to close his legs, wants to protect himself, so he hooks his feet around the chair legs to stop himself. At the end of the day, Josh is in control. Josh pushes him further than he thinks he can go, and Tyler wants to trust him instead of resist.

Josh turns the handle a bit to get a new angle, then scrapes it lightly down the length of Tyler's cock. Tyler twitches, a gasp escaping him as the tiny edge of pain lances through him. It's barely anything at all and it already feels like it could be too much even if he does, weirdly, like the feeling of vulnerability that comes with the pain. Josh scrapes the handle down the length of Tyler's dick one last time before pulling back.

"Eyes open Tyler," Josh says. "Need you to look at me and tell me if you like what I'm doing."

Tyler takes a deep breath and tries to steady himself before opening his eyes. He's half afraid that Josh is going to look disgusted with him, but Josh looks focused, like Tyler's enjoyment is the only thing he's concerned with.

"It's good," Tyler says. "I...if you keep it up, I think I'll get hard."

"You okay with that?" Josh asks.

"Yeah."

"Okay. I'm gonna do the same thing, but without lube, okay?"

Tyler nods and watches as Josh heads back to his dresser to pick up another mallet. He holds it at the head and then kneels in front of Tyler. He sets his free hand on Tyler's thigh to steady his weight then drags the handle of the mallet in a zigzag pattern along the top of his cock. It's teasing instead of painful. Josh does it again, then changes angle so it's not just touching Tyler's cock but scratching it. Josh keeps it up even as Tyler's dick thickens and hardens, making everything feel that much more sensation and forcing his breath to come out in hitched gasps.

"Josh..."

"Good?" Josh asks, looking up at him.

"I don't..." Tyler squirms and closes his eyes, not sure he wants to admit it even though the physical evidence is pretty damn obvious.

"It's okay to like it, that's not something you need to be ashamed of," Josh says. "If you didn't like it, I wouldn't do it."

"I know, I know," Tyler says, nails biting into the palms of his hands.

"Need a breather?" Josh asks.

"Please," Tyler says.

Josh sets the mallet on the floor and slides both his hands up and down Tyler's thighs. Tyler's head slumps forward and he focuses on Josh's warm grip. It helps ground him again, helps him feel like his weird needs aren't just being tolerated but accepted.

"Can I touch your dick with my hand?" Josh asks. "Not to give you pleasure. Just pain."

Tyler nods. "Please..."

Josh grabs Tyler's dick and pushes it up towards his stomach so he can reach Tyler's balls easier. He brings his other hand up and scratches along the base of Tyler's cock with blunt nails before scraping down over his balls and digging in harder. Tyler can't help a short yelp, trying to pull away on instinct.

"Shh, you're doing so good for me," Josh says, switching to quick pinches all over the sensitive skin of his balls. "Fuck Tyler, you're so hard. Want more pain?"

"Yes!" Tyler sobs, hips jerking closer to Josh. "Wanna be good..."

"You are Tyler, promise."

Josh follows his words up with a light slap to his balls, the pain so harsh and unexpected that the tears welling in Tyler's eyes finally spill over. Josh keeps it up, light, quick slaps over Tyler's balls. Somewhere in between each of the slaps, Tyler stops pulling away. No matter how he moves, Josh keeps it up so it just sinks into Tyler's head that all he can do is take it. He goes limp in the chair and just lets Josh do what he wants. Tyler isn't even embarrassed by the tears rolling down his cheeks because Josh keeps whispering how good he looks, how proud he is.

"You're just giving it all up to me, aren't you? I've never seen you look so open and _real_ for me," Josh says, scratching his nails down Tyler's cock to his balls again. "You did such a good job, Tyler. I'm gonna untie your hands and if you want to jerk off, you can."

Tyler nods, trying to keep his awareness about him when Josh steps away to unbind him. He _wants_ Josh's hands on him, holding him. He needs to know that he's still loved even though Josh has broken him wide open. Josh goes to grab the lube as Tyler shakes his hands out carefully. When he returns, Josh slicks up Tyler's hands and then steps behind him, arms wrapping around Tyler as he rests his chin on Tyler's shoulder. Tyler wraps a hand around his balls first, gasping wetly as a dull pain radiates through him. He moves back to his dick and only manages a few strokes before he comes, relaxing back into Josh's grip.

Tyler has never felt so rung out in his life.

"Let's do a shower, okay?" Josh says as he eases back. "You okay if I'm in there with you? I'm not sure you should be totally on your own right now."

Tyler nods. "Yeah, that's...that's good."

Josh comes around and helps Tyler to his feet, keeping an arm wrapped around Tyler's waist as he guides him to the bathroom. He helps Tyler into the shower once the water is warm enough. Then he strips and hops in with him, sliding his hands all over Tyler's body just to touch him, and Tyler's grateful, listing into Josh's weight. The touches are like small reassurances that even with the tears, Tyler is still worth Josh's time.

"Want me to wash you or you got it?" Josh asks. "Totally your call."

"Yes please. I'm feeling a little useless," Tyler says with a hesitant smile.

"That's understandable," Josh says. "You just stand there and relax."

Tyler's okay with doing that. He stands under the hot spray, head bowed as Josh soaps up his hands and starts working Tyler over, starting at Tyler's feet and moving up. He's got a clinical touch when he checks Tyler's dick and balls, but Tyler still can't help but pull away.

"Hey, it's okay," Josh says, moving up to Tyler's stomach and chest. "Just had to make sure nothing was injured."

"Sorry, it was good while it was happening but..."

"Adrenaline's wearing off, I get it," Josh says. "Ready to get out or do you want to soak a bit more?"

"Hold me so I can soak?" Tyler asks. He feels super needy for asking, but Josh just smiles and hauls him in close.

Tyler keeps wanting it to be weird and get sexual. They're both naked and Josh just had his hand all over Tyler's dick, but it just feels like...them, their friendship, their closeness. Everything they're doing just feels like an extension of what they've been doing since they met. He's starting to think he's got no ground to stand on when it comes to feeling ashamed of what they're doing, especially since Josh never recoils from what Tyler asks for.

"Okay I'm good," Tyler says after awhile.

Josh tugs him out of the shower and towels both of them down. He leaves Tyler alone long enough to grab gym shorts for them and even helps Tyler into his before guiding him back to bed. It's all the small things Josh does that helps Tyler settle back into his skin.

Once he's curled into Josh's side and under the blankets, the last bit of tension drains out of him. His balls ache, but it's not overwhelming. It's more like a reminder of all the negative feelings have been pinched and slapped and yanked out of him, leaving nothing behind but tired contentment.


End file.
